The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway
by Far Away In Wonderland
Summary: After a while Katrina was steady enough to stand up and walk into the living room. She would make herself some hot chocolate and hole herself up on the couch. Tonight she would be weak. And tomorrow – tomorrow she had to be strong again. Slash. AU. Part Five of "Konkurrenz belebt das Geschäft"


**As of yet unbetaed. English isn´t my mother language, therefore there may be some mistakes.**

 **I tried to research as much as possible. Because it has been some time since I last saw Suits, please excuse any discrepancy between my story and the series.**

 **WARNING: Mentions of domestic abuse; description of panic attacks.**

 **I have no experience with aforementioned issues. If anything is depicted wrong or offensive in any way, please tell me.**

* * *

Katrina had just open the door when she heard something coming up behind her. She turned around only to freeze when she saw who was standing there.

"What are you doing here, Brandon?" she hissed, hoping that her voice wouldn't betray the distress she felt. The man staggered forward, bringing with him the odour of cigarettes and cheap alcohol.

"Wanted to see you," he slurred.

"Go away!" Katrina retorted. The effect on Brandon was instant: His eyes narrowed, his fists clenched and his breathing became more haggard.

"You´re still an arrogant bitch," he sneered. "Always so perfect…so eager to please. Do they know how eager? How you would always hide and when I found you how you would beg?" His eyes took a sadistic gleam.

"Please, just go." Katrina hated how pathetic she sounded. The proud and independent women – her perfect façade – gone and replaced by that creature which eyes were threatened to be taken over by tears and which had to beg her drunk ex-boyfriend to leave her alone.

"You ruined my life," Brandon shouted as he crowded her against the wall. She could feel his alcohol-stained breath ghosting over her face and had to bite down the urge to vomit. His clothes – which had looked immaculate as ever from afar – revealed to be crinkled and full of stains of questionable origin now that she had a look at them close up. "With all your lies about me. They fired me and nobody talks to me anymore. And it´s all your fault!" For the first time since their encounter Katrina could feel rage well up within her.

"Well," she spat, "then maybe you shouldn't have been drunk all the time! It was no one's fault but your own!" That was the wrong thing to say. Before Katrina could even comprehend it, Brandon had struck her. She could feel the pain blossoming from her cheek as she stared at Brandon completely stunned. Before Katrina could say something, she heard the door open behind her.

"Ah, Ms Bennett," Ms Flowders, the old woman who inhabited the flat beside hers, greeted as she stepped outside. Before she or Brandon could react, Katrina had squeezed herself through the front door and shut it behind her. She strode forward – not reacting to Brandon pounding against the door with his fists – and unlocked the door to her flat with shaky fingers.

When the door of her flat closed behind her with a silent click, Katrina sagged on the ground. She was safe, but it was still hard to breath. She felt like she was suffocating and she just couldn't stop shaking. Her vision blurred and she could hear her blood pounding in her ears. The walls seemed to come closer and the shadows wanted to devour her. Katrina closed her eyes.

She didn't know how much time had passed when she opened her eyes again, only that she wasn't suffocating anymore and that was all that counted. Katrina couldn't believe that one visit from her past would destroy her façade so fast. She couldn't be that weak again and she hated and feared Brandon for doing this to her.

They had met a few months after Katrina had started working for the DA´s office. Brandon had already been working there for a whole year when Katrina came and he had immediately started to flirt with her.

At first Katrina had been annoyed. She was going to be name partner of a law firm one day; she didn't have the time for some trivial romance. She had ambitions! But Brandon wouldn't stop and continued to pursue her. Katrina didn't have any friends and after a few glasses of red wine on one especially lonely evening she had to admit to herself that she craved for contact. She couldn't be the Ice Queen the whole time, even if she wished that she could. Friends were weaknesses, but sometimes being strong and impenetrable made it even easier to be shattered.

Katrina agreed to one date. One grew to two to three until she and Brandon were in a steady relationship. It was new, exciting and everything Katrina had desired as little girl, before she had come to the realisation that romantics never made it far in life. The Ice Queen melted bit by bit and she didn't mind.

But the spring didn't last long. Soon Katrina outperformed Brandon; got recommendations and promotions far faster than he, even though he had a one-year-head start. Brandon started drinking and the higher is alcohol consume the lower his mood. All her fears and insecurities she had trusted him with were used against her. One verbal abuse after another. Physical abuse would soon follow.

Katrina didn't go to the police. She couldn't. If she did everyone would know that she was too weak to protect herself. That the Ice Queen was just a powerless, little snowflake who could be trampled over by everyone. Katrina had worked to be strong for so long. She wouldn't let any of it be in vain just because she was too weak.

Her skills at applying make-up increased as did the bruised covering her body. If she couldn't be strong in private then she would be strong in public. The Ice Queen came back in full force and decimated everyone that dared to cross her in court. But when she came home, Brandon would be waiting, wroth that she had outperformed him again.

Katrina knew that she couldn't oust him. The people would look at her with naught but pity in her eyes.

 _Look at her_ , they would whisper behind her back, _allowed herself to be beaten by her boyfriend. Too weak to make him stop; too weak to leave him._

Maybe Katrina couldn't leave him, but she could make certain that Brandon would leave her. It was just one rumour – just a few words whispered into the right ears – and soon he found himself inspected for disorderly conduct. The first time he came to work slightly drunk he got fired. Katrina had freed herself. But she would never make the mistake of trusting someone with her true self again.

The Ice Queen would be her façade. And Katrina Bennett would only be allowed to be free in the lonely enclosure of her flat where no one could see her cry. Where no one could see the forlorn woman that could have given so much, but chose to hide away instead from a world that only treasured cold-hearted winners.

It had worked so magnificently. Until the past had come knocking.

Tears were running freely down her cheek now. Katrina sobbed quietly. Just a short moment where she needn't be strong. Just herself, trying to reign in the terror that had welled up during the encounter with Brandon.

After a while Katrina was steady enough to stand up and walk into the living room. She would make herself some hot chocolate and hole herself up on the couch. Tonight she would be weak. And tomorrow – tomorrow she had to be strong again.

 **#**

Katrina Bennett looked at the imposing building in front of her and suddenly felt very small.

Countless people mingled around her, all busily heading to their destinations. A woman holding hands with her child which wouldn't stop crying for ice cream. Men in business attire talking animatedly into their smartphones about law suits, market rates or their new shiny cars with which they planned to drive to their holiday homes upstate the coming weekend.

And amidst them she stood – 'the Ice Queen' as she had been called many, many times – blonde hair, blue eyes, white skin and delicate like the first spring flowers. Dressed as immaculate as ever in black skirt, white blouse and probably way too high stilettos, but _damn it_ , she wouldn't be small on her first day at her new work place.

Katrina took a deep breath. Starting at the DA´s office hadn't been that nerve-wracking as this. Maybe because then she had known that she would probably be the best there. No Harvard graduate would voluntary work for the District Attorney when they could make much more money with the countless law firms that were splattered across Manhattan.

But Katrina had decided against that. Maybe because she wanted to punish real criminals instead of making rich clients even more rich. Maybe because it would look good on her CV and teach her experience that those Harvard associate wouldn't get. Her reasons had been manifold and convoluted and she couldn't remember half of them.

Her real ambition – since she had known that she wanted to become a lawyer – had always been to see her own name upon a wall at a prestigious law firm in Manhattan. And nothing would deter her from her goal. Katrina had thrown herself into work since her first day and had collected positive recommendations left and right, but when she was asked to leave the DA´s office in order to work for a law firm she always declined. After all she had a plan. And not even Brandon could ruin that.

Travis Tanner, Harvey Specter, Jessica Pearson – that were the names she had written down in her notebook. Every case they took, every strategy they used, every defeat they suffered – and that weren't many – she would analyse and write down. If Katrina wanted to become the best she had to learn from the best. She couldn't just be one of the many faceless associates that would never rise above the level of a common corporate lawyer; she had to be a personal associate to one of them. But that was easier said than done.

But then she heard of another rising star amongst the lawyers of Manhattan. Gossip travelled fast in these circles and soon she knew of one Michael James Ross: genius, photographic memory and already rising fast through the ranks of Cadbury & Wakefield. At first he had been just at the edge of her perception, but when he went to Pearson & Specter she wrote him down as well.

Finally Katrina got lucky and when Ross searched for a personal associate she applied and got the job. Today was her first day and it would mark the beginning of her rise to the top.

Katrina straightened her back and willed her face to look as emotionless as possible. She had to look professional after all.

She walked past the guards that stood at the entrance and past the reception straight into an open elevator. Beside her only three other people were standing in the close space.

"Did you hear that Ross took a personal associate?" one of the man – tall, brown eyes and curly hair – mentioned.

"You just mentioned it like hundreds of times, Kyle," another said with an eye roll.

"Shut it, Devon," Kyle snarled.

"He is right, though," the third man spoke up. "You have an unhealthy obsession with that man."

"That´s a lie," Kyle shot back. Katrina stepped further away – or at least as much as the elevator´s walls allowed it – because she definitely didn't want to become embroiled in that particular discussion. Though she couldn't deny that it delivered her a lot of potential blackmail material on this Kyle. If he dared to cross her she would just use what she was hearing now to get rid of him.

"It isn´t," Devon chimed in. "You´re always going on about how he 'stole what was rightly yours', how his talents are greatly exaggerated and what did you say yesterday? – Oh yeah, that the only reason he is that high in the firm was because he 'spreads his legs for Specter'." Inwardly Katrina cackled with glee. Only her first day and she already got something on who seems to be was going her greatest competition within the walls of Pearson & Specter.

"It´s true!" Kyle exclaimed. "It should have been me they offered the Junior Partnership and not some outsider like Ross. I´ve been working here for nearly seven years and he is just an upstart from Cadbury & Wakefield. And now he´s already Senior Partner!"

"Just stop," the third man interrupted. "We´ve heard your whole spiel often enough." He turned towards Katrina. "I apologize for my friends."

"There is nothing to apologize for," Katrina answered sweetly. She meant every word of it.

"I haven't seen you here before," Kyle said in confusion. "Are you new?" Right at that moment the elevator doors opened and Katrina stepped out. Before she continued, she turned around and applied her most sweet-sickening smile.

"My name is Katrina Bennet," she said. "And I´m Mr Ross' new associate." The dumbstruck expression on all of their three faces was well worth it.

 **#**

Katrina hadn't come this far by underestimating the people she met. Donna Paulsen was a person you don't want to cross in the wrong way. The woman was secretary to both Specters ("Harvey and I have joint custody of Donna," Mr Ross had joked. "I run their lives and by extension I´ll run yours as well," Donna had warned her. Katrina was more inclined to believe her.) and had tremendous influence on both of them. It would help Katrina immensely if she could win the red-head over.

"Good Morning, Ms Paulsen," Katrina greeted the woman and laced her voice with as much sincerity as she could. Donna looked up shortly and then back to the mail she was writing. Katrina´s face fell and she had to supress the urge to grimace at the woman.

"Mr Ross is already awaiting you in his office," Donna informed her. Without bothering to acknowledge the secretary Katrina walked past her cubicle and entered Mr Ross office which was directly next to Mr Specter´s.

"Ah, Katrina," the blonde greeted her with a bright smile. "Glad that you made it on time on your first day."

"Anything else would be highly unprofessional," Katrina replied. Ross' grin only grew wider.

"I´ve never been on time in my whole time as associate," he confessed. "But it didn't do me or my professional reputation any harm, did it?" Katrina didn't know how she should answer to that question, so she opted to stay silent.

"So," Ross continued and rubbed the back of his head. "I should probably tell you how this is going to work. Harvey said I should 'assert my superiority by being as awesome as he is' and Louis has this creepy Pony-Speech, but I would rather die than use that."

Katrina didn't know what to think of the man´s rambling. That was the genius that Manhattan was talking about? This was more awkward than the one time in High School when Hunter Davis had tried to ask her out and tripped over his shoe-lace only for his smoothie to land on her new blouse. Maybe this was some kind of joke?

"I´m rambling, am I?" Ross said as he saw her look of disbelief. Katrina nodded tentatively.

"Okay," Ross sighed. "I don't believe in this whole philosophy that associates should do all the grunt work. You will work with me not for me. That is very important. If you think you have a better idea than I then say it. If you think I do something stupid then speak up – or go to Donna and she´ll probably hit me with a newspaper. I don't want some meek yes-sayer who thinks it is his job to inflate my ego by pointing out how awesome I am." He grinned at her.

Katrina was taken aback. That was something she hadn't expected. She had anticipated that she would do all the work that a Senior Partner wouldn't bother to put up with: Researching, reading briefs, going through old cases. But this! If Ross was so naïve and altruistic than who was she to not take advantage of this? Katrina would use his trusting nature to further her own goals and when the time was right she would outshine even him.

She smiled at Ross. Cold and calculating. He smiled back, apparently not noticing the lacking warmth in her expression.

"As you wish, Mr Ross," Katrina replied.

"Call me Mike," Ross – no, Mike now – responded. "I feel so old when someone calls me 'Mr Ross'."

 **#**

Over the next few weeks Katrina established a routine. Her workday started with Mike telling her about new cases and review developments in older ones whereupon she would research everything necessary to win the case. A few times a week they would meet with clients and witnesses and she would watch Mike interacting with them.

It seemed that he used the mask of a caring person to get what he wanted. He emphasized with clients, witnesses and opponents alike, telling them stories about himself and thus making them trust him. Katrina had to admit that it was pure genius how he ensnared the people he talked to with his soothing voice, his earnest posture and his sincere blue eyes. It didn't take him long to mould others like fresh clay and Katrina could practically see how he had come that far.

Everyone wants a person that cares about one. It is a basic human instinct to search out and trust people who would back you up unconditionally, who made you feel wanted, cared for. Mike gave the people he interacted with that person and sooner or later they began to trust him. Katrina was sure that it was all a façade though, like the Ice Queen. After all caring was a disadvantage and someone like Mike Ross wouldn't have come this far with oozing care all over the place.

In court an other side of Mike Ross was revealed. Ruthless and cold he took apart his opponents like they were nothing but dirt on his shoes. His mind would spew out facts and figures faster than the opposing council could counter-argue and even the most obscure precedent would be used to win for their clients. This, Katrina believed, was his true face.

Everything Mike was willing to give she took and used it to advance herself further. And if she never gave something back, who cared? If Ross never demanded something then it was his fault alone.

She had exchanged some words with Harvey Specter – Mike Ross' husband and name partner – when they met on the floors, but otherwise she hadn't any contact with other workers of Pearson & Specter and that suited her fine.

The only negative aspect was Donna´s continued cold and disparaging attitude towards her. Katrina didn't know why for they hadn't exchanged more than a few words, but the woman would only talk to her when absolutely necessary and even then only with as much words as were needed.

After a very frustrating work day Katrina decided to confront the problem which led to her standing in front of Donna´s cubicle while the woman looked down on her smartphone. Katrina was about to open her mouth when Donna held up her hand – still not taking her eyes away from her smartphone screen – and Katrina froze in her action.

"Sorry," Donna said after a few moments, "but this level of Candy Crush Saga was very important."

"What is your problem with me?" Katrina snapped at the red-head, her patience finally run out.

"What do you mean?" Donna asked innocently.

"As if you don't know," Katrina sneered back.

"Fine," Donna snapped. "You want to know why I am not worshipping the ground you walk on? Because I know exactly what you are."

"And what would that be?" Katrina raised her eyebrow.

"Just another ambitious girl who always takes and never gives," Donna shot back. "You are so lucky that you work for Mike. That man truly wants you to succeed out there – not to satisfy his own ego, but because he cares. He does everything within his power to help you and you do nothing but take what he gives to you; never bothering to give something back or even thank him. You tell yourself that it is his fault for being so 'naïve' and 'trusting'; that he should demand when he wants something from you. But that are only excuses so that you don't feel guilty for taking advantage of him.

You just want to use him. Maybe to get your own name up the wall. But guess what? You never will. People like Harvey or Mike – they deserve it. But you? You´re just another generic egoistical lawyer and those never make it far. And that's why I don't bother with you.

I´m so glad that we had this little chat. Now, if you´ll excuse me, Candy Crush Saga waits for me."

Katrina didn't know what to say, so she just turned around and walked away; trying to ignore that stinging feeling in her eyes.

 **#**

Later when they had another client interview Katrina for the first time bothered to take a real look at Mike Ross. The case was pro bono: An elder woman whose former employer refused to pay her full pension because she had been fired a few days before her last work day.

She looked at the blonde, how one of his hands rested on the woman´s shoulder while he offered the sobbing woman a tissue with the other. His blue eyes shining with compassion and sincerity while he assured the woman that he would do everything in his power to help her.

And then it hit Katrina: This was the true Mike Ross. Not the cold court lawyer she had seen so often, but this caring individual that wanted nothing more than to help people. There was no hidden agenda, no intrigue and certainly no plan to use the other person.

It was somehow freeing to finally recognize this simple fact. To realize that there was at least one person who wouldn't instantly turn against her when she was down.

 **#**

"Thank you," Katrina said to Donna the next time she saw the woman. The red-head just raised an eyebrow at her.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Donna replied haughtily.

"Nevertheless, thank you," Katrina said. When she turned around she caught a short glimpse of a smile on Donna´s face.

 **#**

"What-?" Mike couldn't finish before he was shoved aside by Katrina who – as fast as she could – hid behind one of the cabinets in his office. No second too late because shortly afterwards Louis stomped right through the open office door.

"Ross, have you seen Katrina?" the pudgy man asked the blonde who just stared at him incredulously. Mike took a short look at Katrina behind the cabinet who energetically shot her head.

"No, I haven't," he answered and Louis shoulders slumped down in disappointment.

"When you see her, tell her that I have important issues to discuss with her." Without waiting for an answer the Senior Partner left the office while Katrina exhaled a deep breath.

"That was a narrow escape," Mike smirked. "Why are you running away from Louis?"

"Because," Katrina hissed, her eyes ablaze with a mixture between fury and exasperation. "That man won´t leave me alone. Do you know how often I had to listen to his 'Be my Pony' – spiel? What sane person calls another pony? What does that even mean? And if I have to look at another photograph of his ridiculously named cat I will take my father´s shotgun and pay a visit to every animal shelter on this goddamn island! Why are you laughing, you imbecile!?" She shot Mike a dark look which didn't impress the man at least a little bit because he was too busy laughing so hard that tears spilt out of his eyes.

"It´s just-just," Mike pressed forth between his fits of laughter. "This image of Louis trying to talk you into agreeing to be his pony…" After a while Mike´s laughter abated and he took a more relaxed expression.

"Every year," he began explaining. "Louis picks out one associate who he thinks is worthy of his tutelage. Said associate is called 'Pony' and has the dubious honour of accompanying Louis to his tennis matches and mud baths. Sometimes the especially privileged are also allowed to baby-sit his cat or to go with him to the opera. It seems that now is your turn." He grinned. Katrina just looked at him aghast.

"I´m so glad that I´m your associate," she finally said.

"I´m glad that you´re my associate as well," Mike replied and smiled. And as Katrina left his office she thought that maybe it was time to leave the Ice Queen behind and be something better.

* * *

 **So that concludes my 'Konkurrenz belebt das Geschäft' - series.** **I don´t know why, but somehow every character I write has a angsty background. My brain is broken.**

 **I may come back to this verse if get some interesting prompts or if I have some ideas on my own. But fear not, that won´t be my last contribution to the Suits-fandom :)**


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